Irony makes me smile.

If you will recall, the last sentence of yesterday's post was, "And, considering Botox is $11/unit and it usually takes about 40 units to do one's wrinkled brow, until they start giving free samples of that away I'll grow old and wrinkly as nature intended."

Today I have a few hundred dollars of Botox in my forehead and it was free. So I may have to change my name to PsychicAmy.

Earlier this week we had a Botox day. The Botoxers are about a 50/50 split...half are cosmetic users and half need it for medicinal purposes (such as blepharospasms, or involuntary muscle spasms around the eye). We happened to get a sudden flood of medicinal Botoxers needing a fix NOW, so Dr G had a Botox day. As of today, she had a few extra syringes lying around with no patient foreheads to inject. Tragic.

For the record, I had never heard of Dr G giving away free Botox before today. I had heard of staff members paying for it, but in the 6 months I've worked there that hadn't even happened yet.

Botox is very expensive and can't just be put in the back of a drawer to wait for next time. You open the bottle, you use what you need, you throw away any excess. (Might have something to do with the 2nd half of its full name, Botulinum Toxin. The short little nickname "Botox" is so much sexier, don't you think?)

Towards the end of the work day, word got around that there was extra Botox up for grabs. I work with a lot of smart, practical people who aren't prone to sticking their hands up and saying, "I'll take some of whatever's in that syringe. What does it do?" I, on the other hand, have no qualms about letting medical professionals inject random toxins into my body.

Turns out Botox hurts like the dickens going in, then has this strange and not altogether pleasant numb residual feeling. Seeing as how it is a lack of sensation it's not exactly unpleasant either, it's mostly just strange.

I didn't tell Russell until a few minutes ago, when I knew I was going to blog about it. He has found out about things that made him shake his head and look very tired solely through my blog on a few occasions....I made a conscious effort not to let this be another of those times. Aren't I great?!

I still have what I think is full eyebrow range of motion, but that'll go sometime in the next week or 2. Seeing as how I don't exactly have a wrinkled forehead to begin with, I will not look remarkably different after the full effect is achieved. Except when talking, laughing, thinking, or in any other way using my face to express emotion.

So, if I don't actually have any wrinkles for Botox to take care of, one might be wondering why on earth I let someone (or from a different point of view, why a licensed medical professional chose to) inject me with Botox. The answer is I can have wrinkles if I try (as, I imagine, others can as well). I do frown when I sleep, leaving me with very distinct red lines on my forehead when I wake up. Sometimes they stick around for a while, leading me to believe I am developing wrinkles. So, really, this could be considered preventative maintenance.

I also may have really just wanted to try it because it was there, and I was there, and I'm a curious sort of girl who is completely unconcerned by the fact that curiosity killed the cat, and I was a cat person before marrying someone who happens to be allergic to them.

Can I have one? What does it do?

I quickly realized after joining the Big G's Eye Center team that developing a dependence on eye drops was part of the job. During my 6 months at AAA I had the inexplicable need to plot a not-so-small handful of road trips, while at Red Lobster I developed quite an addiction to those Cheddar Bay Biscuits, and my hardware store job supplied me with all the jewelry wire I could ever need. Now, at Big G's Eye Center, I can get my eye pressure checked whenever I want (it's 14), my optometrist can check my eyes for dryness (using that yellow dye...evidently it makes dry patches look very exciting) on a daily basis if we want, and whenever a drug rep brings in something new we all get to try it.

The latest new and oh-so-exciting thing is Latisse. If it sounds at all familiar, it's probably because you've seen Brooke Shields talking about how great it is on TV. It's quickly becoming popular with the Botox crowd because it makes your eyelashes grow thicker and darker. The before and after pictures are dramatic, but nothing compared to the results the drug rep has found. When she came in to give the official talk we were all a little afraid of her eyelashes. They were so long they actually touched her eyebrows in a couple places. My first thought was, "Spider legs!!"

After we got over the initial shock of her slightly frightening eyelashes, we all eagerly picked up our free samples (2 months worth!) and started applying it nightly just like we were supposed to. We should all have stunning results by the next Botox date.

I, of course, made fun of "The Latisse Crowd" (a term now interchangeable with the existing "Botoxers") at first. Because I already have long, luxurious eyelashes, why would I need pharmaceuticals to help with what I already do so well on my own? I stuck to that too, right up until one of the doctors at work pointed out that I do not in fact have long, gorgeous lashes, I merely have freakishly large eyes.

So I'm on the hunt for freakishly long lashes, which I will not be able to afford to maintain after my 2 months of free samples run out. Because it's something like $120 per little tiny bottle. And, considering Botox is $11/unit and it usually takes about 40 units to do one's wrinkled brow, until they start giving free samples of that away I'll grow old and wrinkly as nature intended.

At least the sun's up at 6am

I stated working in January, the time of year when you wake up in darkness and drive home in darkness. Now, 6 months later, it's much easier to get up and around and out the door because the sun is actually up. Sunglasses are even helpful rather than a bad idea when driving to work now.

Actually, "much easier" isn't quite right. It's less difficult to get up these days, though still not easy. I always get up first, then 15 or 20 minutes later he gets up. Which sounded great at first, I have to do my hair and makeup and he doesn't. Except now I'm ready by 6:30 and we don't have to leave until 7. So I'm thinking it's time to start taking turns.....I want an extra 30 minutes of sleep sometimes too.

I will judge you, but not always unfavorably.

(For those not so interested in all the little words, there are pictures at the bottom.)

Some days at work seem to have trends. Sometimes all the patients are funny, good natured, or just plain nice. Other days the grumpies own the world. Today, all the crazies banded together to get their eyes checked. Those days are always a little tragic, with two particular cases standing out...

My fellow front desker had no love for one of the last patients for the day. She, lucky girl, was not at the desk when he arrived. He was nice enough to me when he came in this afternoon, but evidently he has not always been that way.

On a related note, since starting work at Big G's Eye Center, home to thousands upon thousands of cataract surgeries, I have seen a good number of elderly people who have not aged gracefully. And some haven't aged, exactly, more like they've just fermented.

So this slightly fermented gentleman came in, only put up a mild fight over the paperwork, reeked of the pack of cigarettes he'd smoked this morning, and sat quietly to wait (occasionally stroking his curly gray mullet). I didn't adore him, but I didn't hate him.

It wasn't until after he left that I was reminded how lucky I am. His thought processes had seemed a little slow while he was filling out his paperwork, and I'd just gotten the feeling that he'd had to overcome difficulties in his life of which I have no understanding. It wasn't until after the tech who had worked him up came up to talk to me later that I was able to understand him better.....their first stop had been at the auto refractor (machine that takes a rough guess at your glasses prescription to give the doctor a place to start). She had asked him to move his head to the left, to which he had just simply replied, "I don't know what that means." When she tried again, this time asking him to move his head toward the wall, he did so with a sweet, "Oh, okay." Like I said, difficulties I couldn't even begin to understand.

The second patient of note today was an elderly woman who called in to make an appointment. We started out with her wanting to schedule with Big G. From there I listened to her talk for 11 minutes and 26 seconds about her love for Big G (genuinely earned through an act of kindness), her problems with her computer/Geek Squad/tech support in India and Mexico vs America, the people who keep inviting her to join Facebook (she was curious about what Facebook is, exactly. I filled her in), her minister who keeps emailing her negative political propaganda, a few more minutes of stream of consciousness from her side...until at 11:05 into the call that she broke into her ramblings and said, "Do you have a spot for me?"

It took me off guard, leaving me to wonder if she thought I had been struggling to find her an appointment time for the last 11 minutes, or if she honestly had no idea we'd been on the phone that long/covered that many topics. In the end, she was thrilled to get to see Big G, her communication needs were met for the day, and my fellow front desker got to witness my complete inability to find a way to break in without pointing out that she had wandered far off topic and possibly hurting the feelings of someone who really just needed someone to talk to.

On an unrelated note, a few pictures!

At the Lawrence 4th of July celebration, Russell got to try grilled sweet potato. Something tells me we will be trying this at home, except I'll probably have to add a brown sugar garnish.



While trying to do a little sewing the other evening, June decided I needed some help. Seconds before this was taken, she was sprawled directly across the material. That's my little helper.



Russell called me over to look at what I thought was just a big bug the other day. Turns out it was a mutant waiting to take over the world.

We went to Lawrence's big 4th of July party last night. The hours we sat around eating yummy food and checking Facebook were fun. The fireworks left something to be desired.

It doesn't help that I'm really spoiled when it comes to fireworks. My childhood was filled with Disney fireworks shows, where the whole thing is like everyone else's finale. And then my parents' old neighborhood had a retired fireworks technician who put on a great show off the dam and we were just a few docks in...good times with loud booms.

Next year I think we're going to leave town again, go somewhere that we can shoot our own. There's just something to be said for the DIY show.

Long weekend approaching

I'm ready for the weekend, and this holiday weekend. For the first time in more than a couple years we're not going to Manhattan, KS to see his parents for the holiday. For the first time ever we're staying around our own town to partake in the local festivities. Lawrence has a city-wide ban on fireworks, which kind of takes some of the fun out of it for the do-it-yourself-ers around here, but evidently the powers that be are going to put on a technically-illegal-but-it's-okay-if-the-government-does-it show over the river.

It's more festive if you need a special permit.

How long is forever really?

When I got my braces off during my senior year of high school, my orthodontist said to wear my retainer every day for a while, then after that only at night. I was really good about the every day for a while, right up until I accidently threw it away at McDonald's one day. Not wanting to admit that I lost my retainer, which would cost $90 to replace, I didn't tell my parents. The fact that they had paid far more than $90 to fix my teeth and would probably be willing to pay that much to maintain all that good work didn't cross my mind.

I waited to say something until I noticed my teeth shifting and realized that hm, that was a lot of expensive work to just let go. I also kind of liked the straight tooth look. So I finally told my mom, we got me the replacement retainer, and life was good again. I wore it for a while, until I decided that forever was a long time and maybe the orthodontist really just meant a few years.

Now, 11 years after getting my braces off, the saga continues. I haven't lost that replacement retainer (which happens to be orange and black striped, because my judgement was awesome back then), but I do still have to wear it. More often than I do. I go through stages of wearing, not wearing, realizing that my right front tooth is inching forward unattractively....so I wear it again for a few weeks. After which, every time, I'm sure it won't happen again. Because my logic is used elsewhere.

I also have a remarkably crooked tooth on the bottom, which pushes on the upper tooth that refuses to stop shifting whenever I'm not wearing my retainer at night. I do think this is more than coincidence. (The tooth is crooked because it didn't read the manual after I got my lower braces off. It ignored the wishes of the orthodontist too.) So if I got the one crooked tooth on the bottom fixed, it would stop pushing on the one obstinate tooth on the top, and all my problems in life would be solved.

Hm. I'll start thinking about that.